Don't Squish Your Light

breathwork stories Jul 26, 2018

Have you ever held yourself back, fearing criticism from others?


My message to you today is this: listen to the call. Trust your vibes. Don’t dim to fit in. Trust that you’re inspiration is a rare gift. If you don’t embrace and honor your gut impulse, it will just move on to someone else who will. 

Trying to stay small to get approval from others is a bait and switch game. While many people will love you and anything you offer, the more visible you become the more you may attract those who get triggered by you. Some may even start out loving you and projecting all their wildest dreams upon you, then turn around and attack you.  

Here’s the truth: You simply cannot allow others the power to give or take your self worth. It's an inside job. It comes from prioritizing a connection to your higher self. When you self-source and self-validate, you stand tall and strong like a tree connected to the heart of Mother Earth. Your resilience comes from being a channel between Earth and Sky, tuning into Spirit and offering your service as a prayer to honor the divine. When you do this, everything you share comes from a pristine place of love. You become more compassionate to your own doubts and those who you imagined were criticizing you. Perhaps they were secretly serving you... but more on that later...

Trying to shapeshift who you are to conform to others' expectations is an old survival strategy. It's leftover from early childhood. When we were young, many of us had to act in certain ways to receive consistent care, contact and atunement from our primary caregivers. This is why your whole nervous system can go into fearful activation or dissociation when you think of doing something people may not like you for. A part of your survival focused reptilian brain actually thinks you may die for being different. But we are adults now. You are safe. You can create new beliefs. 


Here's a personal story about my own attempt to dim to fit in... I felt Spirit calling me to make my third guided breathwork audio, I AM BLISS, a whole year before I actually did it. While I love bliss states, I’ve always been skittish about owning and sharing the full depth of of my wisdom body around this. A part of me has been afraid of attack for shining too bright and sharing a “too positive" experience in an industry that has a lot of focus on trauma. 

A little reveal for you...I’ve been mocked, belittled, diminished and even verbally attacked by those who have accused me of being “only interested in happiness”, superficial, a Pollyanna, lacking depth, woo woo, new age, a spiritual narcissist, and worse. I've even made to feel that I should feel ashamed for focusing on bliss. This has been wounding, to say the least. 

Many small interactions via email, social media and in person over time slowly caused me to doubt myself. So I did what any other person wants love and approval would do: I slowly dimmed to fit in. I toned down my “too muchness” around bliss and focused on cultivating vulnerability, making friends with grief, anger, and fear with shadow practices. I learned somatic healing practices, focused on the impact of breathwork on brain and heart health because I felt that the science would validate what I do in the eyes of skeptics. I did intense psychotherapy. I dove into the somber and serious depths that everyone else seemed to valorize to try to prove my worth. Looking back, I now know that these things deeply enrich the depth of what I offer. But the truth is that my initial motivation was a longing to be understood and respected. Can you relate to any of this?


When I finally got the guts to create I AM BLISS, it was one of the most healing experiences of my life. Here’s why: connected breath can  transport us into a unified field of superconsciousness where we can step outside the the "little me" who may be addicted to some form of suffering, and enter a vast wonderland of expanded awareness. As I chose the music, scripted it, recoded it and listened to it again and again, it was like I was reprogramming my neural pathways. I had to breathe for hours on end in the production studio. While I did, I went into euphoric, altered states, almost as if I had partaken in plant medicine. I let Spirit use me.

In that space all my thoughts dissolved. My fears of “what people would think” evaporated into real bliss. While I sang with the music, shared light language and abandoned the script, magic appeared. I felt my innocence restored. Afterwards I wondered, "How could I possibly let anyone else dictate my right to feel and share bliss?” It seemed laughable. As I launched it, I felt that it was the both riskiest and most beautiful thing I had done in my whole life.  

This is what can happen when we let go into our creative urges and share, regardless of wether people may love or reject us. There may be some pain along if you buy into the mean talk of your inner or outer critics... but it can yield magic!


Today I urge you: abandon any obsession you have about “what people think”. This fear is a younger version of you seeking love. Spend time with your little one. Be a good parent, and reassure him or her that you are safe and loved by YOU no matter what. 

Go further. Send compassion to your doubts. Send love to your inner critics, knowing they are just trying to keep you safe. The more you soften, are gentle and kind to all parts of you, the more grace can come in. Behind the fight or flight urgency of your inner voices is a tenderness just waiting to be met and validated. This is the journey of self-love. Its not about banishing and denigrating your fear, its about opening your heart and shining the light of your care on every single part of you. 

You may be surprised by what happens next. As you become a more sensitive parent to your own doubts and challenging emotions, you may find yourself becoming more immune to the thoughts and opinions of others. You might find yourself feeling more grounded in your truth and less triggered by input. This may be because the depth of your sensitive self care helps you understand that critics are often speaking from their own insecurities, wounds and tender places, and perhaps they are just longing for more acceptance and love, too.

Deepen your relationship with your own higher self so you can expand your perspective (this is what we actually spend 6 days doing in the Level 1 Self Love Journey Breathwork Intensive). Ask yourself questions like: How could pushback help me open my heart love myself and others more? How can I use this experience to feel more empathy and understanding? What if critics aren't against me, but serving my awakening? What does my higher self have to say about this?

Don't attack the messenger for the message. Imagine that those who are triggered by your message are really angels on Earth here to help wake you up. Consider these questions: What is the message? Am I being called to take more ownership of my message? Am I being asked to take some kind of action to forward my creative offering? Am I being asked to share in a new way?

Trust that you are on this planet to feel more love and share a unique message that is all your own. Because it is unique to you, not everyone will understand it and that's okay. Many who turned the tide of history were not universally embraced, but their courageous messages had massive impact. Think of Jesus, Martin Luther King, Gandhi. Wonder about these questions: What if I was born to bump up against socially accepted norms?  And what if owning and sharing my message could serve millions? Will I let Spirit use me?

The invitation to shine the light of your love is the work of a lifetime.  In some ways there is nothing scarier. But there is also nothing more fulfilling.